Honesty (A Job Interview)

Yesterday, I went to a job interview and this is how it went.

The nice lady interviewing me was smartly and professionally dressed, impeccable in her entire appearance; she made me feel like a homeless man in his Sunday best.

After several months without a 'normal regular job', I decided to dust off my resume, written many years ago. I had my education so long ago that I don't even remember the names of the schools I went to, or even if I finished and got a Diploma. I know many of you don't believe this, but you and I are different, meaning you are proud of your schooling and you have a good memory, but I don't. Besides, my schools don't exist any more.

Anyway, this lady was obviously enjoying the fact that she was the only one in the room to have a job, her attitude was imperceptibly arrogant.

"What makes you think that you are qualified for this position?" she asked.

"I need a job, real bad," I said

"Yes, yes, we all need jobs, well, some of us anyway, but I mean, do you have the requirements to perform this job adequately?"

"Well, yes, I've been working in the construction business for almost thirty years."

I almost said "Longer than you have been on this earth"

"It says here that you are a licensed general contractor. Is that right?" she said as she read in my resume.

"Yes, that's right. I got that license twenty-four years ago." I said.

"Oh, what a coincidence, that's my age. But tell me, what can you build?"

(I can build a building like this from the ground up, even if you were my only helper.) I thought, but I didn't say.

"Oh, any kind of residential and commercial buildings, repairs, remodels, anything, I guess." I responded, trying not to sound too presumptuous.

"Do you have a clean driving record?"

"Yes of course." 
(Of course, I didn't mention my last DUI (remember, this is fiction.)

"What's your opinion about your previous boss?"

(Stupid guy, stupid, useless, ignorant, lazy son of a bitch) I thought, but I didn't say.

"Oh, he was a fine person, very agreeable. I liked him a lot."

"What are your expectations with this company?"

"To become the CEO," (Oops, did I say that?)

"Very good, you're ambitious, I like that. What's your greatest weakness?" she asked.

(What's that?) "I honestly think I don't have any," I answered.
I know I sounded  a little cocky, but sometimes I like to be honest.

"Tell me about an example when you were late in a project."

"Never, I always deliver my jobs on time; I have worked many Saturdays and Sundays to avoid that."

"That's hard to believe." she said.

(It shouldn't be, if you use my system) If you know you can finish the job in two weeks, just say you'll do it in four. And you'll never get in trouble. Just double the real estimating time.

"Do you get along well with your co-workers?"

"Yes, with all of them, no exception." I said.

(Except with lazy workers, I hate, abhor, and detest lazy workers.)

"Tell me, what's your greatest strength?" She asked.

(I would need the rest of the day to answer that question.) I thought, but I didn't say.

"I'm honest, I'm responsible, fast and clean. I'm a good trainer and a good leader, did I mention I'm honest?"

"Yes, you did, several times. Have you ever had any difficulty working with a manager?"

"Not if I'm the manager." Oops, this time I really blew it, I said it out loud.

"What do you mean by that? Are you looking for the manager position? Because that position has already been taken."

"Oh, but I can take any position, really," I replied.

"Okay, we'll let you know if we need you, but don't call us; we'll call you, and thanks for applying."

Needless to say, I didn't get the job. 

Next time I won't be so honest.





EDMUNDO BARRAZA
Visalia, CA. 07-23-2012
http://edbar1952-accomplishedignorant.blogspot.com/