Forced Diet

You might say that I'm an old fart, but I'm not afraid to remove my shirt, or to wear shorts. I can say I'm in good shape. I'm glad I can say that I feel good. I can still work hard doing construction work. I walk my dogs a few days a week. Even though it's been months or years since I last played soccer or the last time I went for a swim in the river. I feel good.

I always thought that doing exercise in your younger years was very important for your health. Especially if you have fun doing it. I'm not an expert on the matter, but I'm an expert with my body.

How much you eat it's also very important. 

I've been noticing for the last few months that I need to ignore satisfying my hunger. My wife is neglecting me in that regard. Barely imperceptibly, but she's been feeding me less, increasingly less, (increasingly less?) that sounded weird, oh well, I'm not writing any literature here. 

The times we eat have been decreasing in the last few years. Not that I'm spoiled or useless. I know how to help myself, anybody can open a can of soup. But there's nothing better than a warm homemade dinner.

There are days, when my lunchtime is late, so late, that it's almost time for dinner.

"Honey, you still want to have lunch, or just want to wait for dinner?" my wife asks. 

Either way, I know I'm going to skip either lunch or dinner.

There are other times when dinner is so late that it's almost time for bed. So I go to bed just to listen to a whole revelry of strange laments coming from inside my stomach.

I still enjoy a regular meal at the dinner table. Including a nice normal conversation to share the events of the day. But if she's not hungry, if she is busy watching TV or doing anything else that it's not as important as cooking, (I hope she doesn't read this, ha.) we just don't eat. Sometimes she's on the phone for an eternity, or longer.

Now, what can be worse for a wife, than to neglect her husband.

Finally, last night I had enough and said, "Are we going to skip dinner again?"

"You can help yourself anytime you like, you have two hands, don't you?" she replied.

"Yeah, but I'm not as good as you are at cooking, you know? And since the kids left I've been on the brink of starvation many, many times."

"And how many times have you died?" she asked.

Like I said I'm glad I'm in good shape, I feel young and slim. And all thanks to my wife. 

Now, I would like to recommend to all of you fatsos out there, just skip a meal once in a while, voluntarily or forcefully. As sure as I'm breathing, I guarantee you, you won't starve to death.

I am a living proof of that. 

I wish this was fiction.




EDMUNDO BARRAZA
Visalia, CA. 07-29-2012
http://edbar1952-accomplishedignorant.blogspot.com/