Holy Water and Other Stuff

 Holy Water and Other Stuff

I'd like to know how potent and effective holy water is.
I'd like to know whether the Pope can have more blessing powers than a simple priest.
I'd like to know how far a drop of holy water would reach in the ocean.
Would the entire ocean be blessed, along with the rest of the water on the planet?
Does a gallon of holy water have more reach than just one drop?  
And if I throw holy water on the ground, would the entire Earth be blessed too?
Along with all animals and humans in the world, including a heretic like me?  
And how long will I be blessed if a drop of holy water could bless me?  
And if I'm blessed a second before I die, will I go straight to heaven?
And what if a pregnant woman is blessed? Would her child be too?
What would happen if we injected holy water into all criminals worldwide?

What if I cook food with holy water? Would germs, viruses, bacteria, microbes, and parasites in my body be blessed too?  
And if they are, can they become benign and not make me sick?  
What if the priest is a pedophile? Would he be able to bless the water and forgive my sins?  
And what if I confess my sins in advance? Can I use it for future sins if I have a credit in my favor?

What if I donate a million dollars to the Church? Would they guarantee me a place in heaven?  
What if they can guarantee it, and I still end up in hell? Can I sue them from there?  
And what would I do with a million dollars in hell?
And what if I rightfully gain access to heaven but refuse to get in because I want to check the other option? Maybe heaven is not that good, or hell is not that bad.  
And what if I go to heaven and I don't like my neighbors, or they're mean or boring, or they don't speak English or Spanish?

What if I don't like the weather? What if I refuse to be naked or want to be naked?  
And, before I get there —if I get there— I'd like to know if heaven has a democratic system. And if they do, can we vote for a different God?
Is God supposed to be a perennial leader?  
What if he turns out to be a dictator?  
Can we get a Goddess for a change?  
And if we misbehave in heaven, can we still go to hell?  
And if we are good in hell, can we still have access to heaven?

Can we organize a peace treaty between the leaders of heaven and hell and find a way to avoid punishments?  
Can we alternate vacations from one place to the other?  
What if they put an ocean in front of hell, with many hotels and casinos and a non-stop supply of cold beers and margaritas —now we're talking.

What if we could be polygamous and be able to reject jealousy? No, that's a bad idea. We could turn into Sodom and Gomorrah. It all depends on how you see it and where you end up.
Can we have several paradises at different levels? And according to the gravity of the Commandments we break, we get the best or the worst heaven.

However, I still like the hot one with the ocean, the beers, and the margaritas. With no jealousy, no taxes, no punishments, no hangovers, no illnesses, and no regrets.

Either way, I'll see you in heaven, hell, or both.



EDMUNDO BARRAZA
Visalia, Ca. 01-17-2011